Sow Those Tears

They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.
6 He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him.” –Psalm 125:5-6

The Lord reminded me today, while I was in prayer about this scripture.
He said: “Sometimes if you don’t sow in tears, you will not be able to reap in joy.”
Wow.
God,
I had been holding in my tears because I didn’t want to give away that I was hurting or that I was weak. It hurts to see my mother and father broken.
Red eyes,
Wrinkled,
dismayed
Shaken,
looking downward because their ashamed.
Because life dealt them a hand that they just didn’t expect.
And we,
their children are caught up in it.
We hate to see them
This way.
It brought tears to my eyes.
Bitterness kept trying hold my heart captive and rip into seams.
I couldn’t take it. My heart almost exploded. I was so disappointed. In God. Myself. My world. And my life.
Pain.
The pain was too real.
Now I understood what the psalmist meant when they wrote: “my reproach returned to my bosom.”
My heart cried.
It was a pain that is beyond physical pain.
It was deep in my soul.
It was the type of pain that rips you apart.
It burned in my heart.
It filled me up and my heart felt like exploding. I kept shaking my head. Grieved. Cursing myself, I kept wondering…saying…
God…..
I couldn’t believe that this was happening to me or my family.
I couldn’t believe we were going through this.
God, why aren’t you coming to our rescue?
This pain was too much, it was so real.
The hurt, frustration. betrayal, injustice, the shame, the agony of despair,
The disappointment
burned in my heart and came up into my heart as a bitter cry.
Why?
My heart cried out.
Why God, why have You forsaken me?
But I kept it in.
And tucked it away for a later time.
A time when I would be alone with Him. And call out to Him.
And then. Then I would pour out my soul to Him.
I looked up to Heaven and said, these tears are only for you Father. Not because of what Satan did, of what my parents did, or what life did,
But for you alone, God. You only for you do I cry out to you. You only. Only for You.
But for now, I won’t let myself cry.
No, I will cry out to you only some other time. I gotta keep going. I can’t stop to cry. What will crying do for my situation?
So, let me keep walking. One day, I will give God this pain. One day I will cry out to Him.
You are walking in pride.
I can handle it. I will put it away. I don’t have time to deal with this.
I, I, I,
You think He forgot the pain? You think He will let that go? No.
God keeps a careful record of the righteous. What we do, how we do it, and the inner workings of our heart.
In Heaven, there is a scroll.
Not only of our sins and righteous deeds.
But of our everyday walk with God. God keeps a careful record of our lives.
Our past, present, future.

Psalm 139:16
“Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them.”

Malachi 3:16
“Then those who feared the LORD spoke to one another, and the LORD gave attention and heard it, and a book of remembrance was written before Him for those who fear the LORD and who esteem His name.”

God knows about it all. He knows what we are going through:
He sees it all.

Psalm 139:3
“Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways.”

 

Job 31:4
“Does He not see my ways And number all my steps?

 

Psalm 121:8
“The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore. “

 

Proverbs 2:8
“He keeps the paths of judgment, and preserves the way of his saints.”

He sees it all.
Our triumphs,
Our victories.
Our moments of joy, and utter jubilation. Moments of fear, questions, apprehension, answers to God, and reconciliation. There is a record of our pain, grief, shame, loss, failure….
And there is a record of our tears.
It says in Psalm 56:8,
“You have taken account of my wanderings; Put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?” (NASB)

He cares about the pain you have been through, and keeps a careful record of them.

When you give Him your pain–He will fight for you and right all wrongs.

God loves you, and will heal your pain.

Sow those tears.

They are not in vain.

He hears, sees, knows and keeps record of each one.

I am praying for your wholeness as well as mine.

In every season.

Amarachi

 

 

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Remember to everything there is a season,

A time and purpose under heaven.

I pray He keep us steady as we walk through seasons of life—together.

Have a wonderful week!

 

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